Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Well, Well, Well......(Adult Content!!!)

Ya know....I'm really struggling with some things, or people, in my life right now. With everything that I have going on, some people really have the nerve. I will say this now, if you fall in this category then pay close attention and if you dont like it, you can SUCK IT!!
Yep you guessed it, this morning, Im MAD, MAD AS HELL!!
I can't help it if you do not like what I say, how I feel, what I think, or how I react to anything right now. I am not going to change my mood or words to suit you. Please don't tell me to be positive or be strong. This is my child were talking about and guess what....I've been here before!!! I know how to be strong for my child, in front of my children. I appreciate all of the kind words, prayers, and support. Yeah, I know that people on the other side of this don't always know what to say or do. But fare warning, if you think it might be the wrong thing to say, follow others and don't say a word, cause it probably is the wrong thing!!

Getting several calls from 8am until 9pm at night from the hospital pre-registering, and making sure we have everything for the trip and making sure were okay and making sure we know where to go, Reality is setting in and my heart feels like its carrying a ton of bricks!!! One minute I want to cry, the next I want to vomit. So yeah, I'm pretty messed up right now, but still wearing that smile for my babies(well their not babies but they are my babies). I just need people to support and be there, that's all I need. Most are being very good at doing that. Also, I find it difficult that some people I figured would be supporters haven't even said a word to us and ones I didn't think or even people I don't know, are here with "Arms Wide Open". I guess the truth is when it really counts the people that really matter, or think you matter, are there when you need them.

Point is....Be supportive, don't tell someone how to think or feel, just be there!! And if you don't like what I say or do, then SUCK IT!!!!(this is my new happy phrase, developed by my LJ!)
( I feel a little better, I'm going to shower now!)

Peace, Love, and Prayers!
Sara, Aunt Ciera, or the Bitch from Hell!!

Jamie Heywood: The big idea my brother inspired | Video on TED.com

Jamie Heywood: The big idea my brother inspired | Video on TED.com

Sunday, January 31, 2010

This is Really Happening!!!

Ok so its time to begin the journey. We are starting to get ready for our first trip to St. Jude. Reading the St. Jude web site for the list of things to bring, making sure the laundry is done, making sure that Kaite is packed to go stay with Leslie and Eric for an undetermined amount of time, making sure Jacob and I have what we need to go for an undetermined amount of time(Really thinking I may wait to talk to the Travel Office at St. Jude before we start packing.), paperwork, medical information, phone numbers, and everything else. Wow its really a lot to take in and pretty overwhelming. I took Jacob to get some slippers and new socks, the boy is really rough on socks, HAHAHA. Well just wanted to let everyone know what is going on with us right now. I will post when we know the details of our trip tomorrow. Sounds like we have our own travel guide, HAHAHA, sure wish it was to Cancun or something. : )
Much Love.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I'm so sorry, Your son has cancer......

What does a mother say to that??????? How can you not react to a doctor entering a room in his office, looking like the world has ended? Apologizing to you and your 14 year old child that the results of his MRI are not good. Its much worse than he expected. This is a mental picture that is going to be permanently etched in my brain and I so wish that it was something else, something good, something happy. I have a beating heart inside my chest right now that is cracked in a million places. I have so much anger, hatred, sadness, etc. I really just do not know how to function. The one thing I do know is that I just keep telling my son that everything will be okay and we can get through this like we have in the past with other medical issues.( I will update more later about past medical issues.) I have tons of people praying and offering to help in any way we need. I am so very thankful to everyone, but I still am really trying to come to grips with the fact my son has a very rare cancer and the treatment options are few. The only thing I can say right now is.....I don't know!! I just don't know!!